Author Archives: brian

About brian

Author of the words you're currently reading. I have children, drums, a sports car, and am not a good keeper of fish. I am not above eating spiders for cash.

Thanksgiving quotes 2013

For Thanksgiving this year at the in-laws’ house, we had Cornish pasty, homemade tamales, and very quotable conversation. _____________________ The cat has been sitting in the same spot for 1/2 an hour. I found out that for $225 I can … Continue reading

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Post-apocalyptic Xmas quotes 2012

Christmas quotes from a large family in a small midwestern town. Christmas Eve: I’m very useful. I have a cheese knife. Can I borrow your key to grandpa’s gun closet? My mouth is hot. Tomorrow you kids can shoot each … Continue reading

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Oh What a Feeling

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Office safety – No Plopping Zone!!!

Found at office today.  Thanks safety committee!

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How to get on a terrorist watch list and meet the FBI on your lunch hour

A few months ago, I had the privilege of meeting some of the FBI’s finest over my lunch hour regarding what WAS to be my first blog post on this site. ¬†It was a fun diversion, and (in retrospect) the … Continue reading

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Space required to transport 60 people

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There Arose Such A Clatter: Xmas Quotes 2011

Real quotes from a large family Christmas gathering in a small midwestern town It’s too fluffy! I’m used to having Mexican painters in the house. I thought you were a sheep! Is your face okay? I nearly always will be … Continue reading

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Top 50 Band Names That I’ve Decided Not To Use Which You Are Free To Use As Long As You Plug My Blog (This Is Legally Binding)

The Shampoovians Hula Hoopin’ Swamp Monkeys The Enematics The MistleTones Aunt Bruce’s Foot Corn Uncle Nettie’s Corn Foot The Wind Plumbers The Briny Denture Puffs Deluxomatasticalicious Freight Train Jackers Subcutaneous Carpet Installers Pigeon Road The Cross-Stitch Brothers Organic Silent Echo … Continue reading

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The Future Evolution of Shawn Combs Monikers

Piddle Puddle P Puddle Puffy Puddle Puffy Pufflekins Puffy P Piddle Paddle Piff Duddly Duddle Puff Duffle D Deedle Dee Deedle Dum Diffle Piff Diddy Puffs (the breakfast cereal)

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I’m sorry I took your cat

Dear Richard, Thank you so much for hosting the society party last month. It was really tops, from the decor to the music. What do you call that genre again? Fancy? Stringy? Sleepy? Oh, that’s right. Classical. It was nice. … Continue reading

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